On Not Knowing Who You Want To Be

Take a second to think back to elementary school when you were pretty much 110% certain you wanted to be an astronaut or a veterinarian or a doctor or a magician. In your mind and heart and soul you firmly believed you wanted to be any or all of those things just because you were interested in them. 

Flash forward to middle school when you started realizing that maybe the life and career you dreamed of in elementary school isn’t the right choice for you. Maybe you discovered that you’re squeamish, maybe you discovered that you’re not so good at a specific subject, either way you learned something about yourself. You started to shape yourself. 

Then you’re in high school. You have no idea who you want to be or what you want to do or what possibilities lie beyond them confines of the places you’ve known your whole life and yet, they want you to decide. Who are you? What do you want to study? What do you want to do? They expect you to have this plan, this idea of who you are before you have even been given a chance to find out. There’s a lot of pressure to know but it’s okay not to. 

The world has a lot to offer. You may think you know who you want to be until you get out into the real world and discover that you’re not a huge fan of that life. You might be opposed to a certain idea but then experience it and have a complete change of heart. It’s okay. You don’t have to know. I don’t think anyone knows. I don’t know who I want to be. What I do know is that in the span of time from elementary school to right now, my second semester of college, my ideas of myself have changed a lot. I used to think I wanted to be an astronomer or an astronaut until I took Earth Space science and Astronomy classes and realize that I genuinely did not enjoy them. Then I thought I wanted to be a teacher but after helping multiple teachers out with grading and even some teaching, I decided I didn’t enjoy that either. When I finally graduated high school, I had no clue who I wanted to be. All I knew was that I didn’t know. Right now, the only thing I’m certain of is that I am interested in writing and taking pictures or videos and influencing people in any way that I can. I want to make a difference in someone’s life but I haven’t yet decided how I want to do that but that’s okay because I can change my mind and change my image of myself. It’s okay to not know. 

If you’re struggling to find yourself, don’t worry. You may think you’re in a time crunch or that if you don’t have yourself figured out then you’re a failure but that’s simply not true. It takes time to know yourself and know your interests and your idea of yourself is constantly changing. It’s okay not to know who you want to be, take your time to figure it out and ensure you’re happy with where you end up. 

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